I dreamt last night for the first time in ages. It was so sad. I saw Maggie. I think I've been thinking about her a lot lately, because I remember the image of the dog vividly and I remember having seen it a lot recently. She was beautiful as usual; large endearing eyes..........quivering with water............. brown and limpid....... a nose wet..... and moist...... and cold, and her Blue Rhone coat.
I may be delusional but.....I know I saw her. She padded towards me slowly and stood still in expectation of a petting. My beautiful baby girl. I scratched her under the snout; there is no one who could deny her love. It was so easy to love her, easier than loving my family.
I saw ticks in her fur. I moved my hand and there were like 7 ticks or bed bugs (some kind of blood parasite) on my hand. I shook them off, pulled them off, flicked them off, all in a state of panic. Two of them had bit into me and though I know ticks can't really manage to suck the blood out of people (except maybe cow ticks) (cause our skin is thicker than a dog's) they'd managed to penetrate into my skin in the dream, and as I pulled them out they took flesh with them and the small wounds started to glisten with blood.
I started to back away from Maggie. My poor baby. She didn't understand, and it wasn't even her fault. She moved towards me; she just wanted to be petted, to be loved and adored and comforted for a minute. But I backed away from her, pushing her away, and got up to my feet.
And then I woke up......... with my heart in my throat. It was such a miserable miserable start to the day. I lay in bed thinking about her. It's a good thing I don't cry easily......but I miss my baby girl so much. My sweet puppy girl!! My happy loving girl. I don't think I would've ever pushed her away if it hadn't been a dream. I wish I could hug her now and hold her tight, and stroke her head and smell her fur, maybe even kiss her nose.
When she died, it broke my heart.
I miss my kind baby girl. I realized today that I love her still. I hope she knows I always will.
I may be delusional but.....I know I saw her. She padded towards me slowly and stood still in expectation of a petting. My beautiful baby girl. I scratched her under the snout; there is no one who could deny her love. It was so easy to love her, easier than loving my family.
I saw ticks in her fur. I moved my hand and there were like 7 ticks or bed bugs (some kind of blood parasite) on my hand. I shook them off, pulled them off, flicked them off, all in a state of panic. Two of them had bit into me and though I know ticks can't really manage to suck the blood out of people (except maybe cow ticks) (cause our skin is thicker than a dog's) they'd managed to penetrate into my skin in the dream, and as I pulled them out they took flesh with them and the small wounds started to glisten with blood.
I started to back away from Maggie. My poor baby. She didn't understand, and it wasn't even her fault. She moved towards me; she just wanted to be petted, to be loved and adored and comforted for a minute. But I backed away from her, pushing her away, and got up to my feet.
And then I woke up......... with my heart in my throat. It was such a miserable miserable start to the day. I lay in bed thinking about her. It's a good thing I don't cry easily......but I miss my baby girl so much. My sweet puppy girl!! My happy loving girl. I don't think I would've ever pushed her away if it hadn't been a dream. I wish I could hug her now and hold her tight, and stroke her head and smell her fur, maybe even kiss her nose.
When she died, it broke my heart.
I miss my kind baby girl. I realized today that I love her still. I hope she knows I always will.
